My Favorite Time of Day

I am not a morning person. It takes me quite some time and several cups of coffee before I can face the world. No one should be near me before this process takes place. Yet despite this, my favorite time of day is fast becoming the early morning hours.

Once the family is up, it's noise and rush and insanity. My day no longer feels like my own as we get ready for work and school or weekend activities. Vin and the kids are so active that my slower, quieter self is left feeling bewildered, often overwhelmed.

The real me is a solitary person. I crave peace and quiet, my own schedule, my own space. Social times are enjoyed but in small amounts. Crowds disturb me intensely and their noise overstimulates my ears and head until I can't think straight. It may be a product of my bipolar disorder but when I don't get regular periods of alone time (real alone time, not alone in a crowded room scenarios) I begin to get extremely irritable and unreasonable. I'm more prone to anger and then depression. There is just some trigger inside me that shouts "enough interaction, I need to hide".

So I have made the commitment to get out of bed earlier every morning. I don't have much time, but this time helps give me the solitude I need. It's not perfect. I mean, if I feel the need to belt out show tunes I really can't do that when everyone else sleeps. I can't do any heavy cleaning or rearrange furniture. I still need full days when I can be home with no one to really heal. But these early mornings before the family rises, with a cup of coffee in my hand and the birds singing in the trees, these are the soothing moments that help keep me going strong.